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A little kid was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, looking very ill. His father was reading the empty bottle which must have contained what the boy had swallowed. He yelled at his wife, “Noreen! It says to induce vomiting! Come in here and take your clothes off!”

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To err is human, to forgive is against my policy

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“I must take every precaution not to get pregnant,” said Edna to Priscilla. “But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy,” Priscilla responded. “He did. That’s why I have to take every precaution.”

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  • You can pick your friends, but not your relatives. - Two men were walking in the park when they came upon this dog that had bent itself into a weird position and was licking its balls. One man said, “Gee! I wish I could do that.” The other man replied, “I think you better get to be friends first.”
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  • A lawyer’s opinion is worth nothing unless paid for. - A lady sought out a fortune teller. The fortune teller tells her, “Be prepared for widowhood. Your husband will soon die a violent death.” The lady asked, ” Will I be acquitted?”
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